People Who Have BYOB Parties

People who decide to host a party in their apartment or dorm room, and then make the decision to enact a BYOB policy unto said party, are among the jottiest of individuals that I have come to know in all of my 21 years.

First and foremost, there is the simple social norm that if YOU decide to HOST a party, you are expected to provide certain things for the GUESTS that attend your party. Among these requirements are a setting, atmosphere, entertainment, and most importantly, LIQUID SUSTENANCE! Allow me to briefly explain each of these requirements.

1. Setting: If you are deciding to HOST a party, it is YOUR responsibility to provide the setting for the party to take place. I know this may seem like common, sense, but in order to fully explain my distaste for BYOB impositions, I felt it necessary to start from square one. Tell all of your guest where the party is going to take place so they can plan accordingly. If it is going to be in your apartment, they know that they will be indoors and can dress accordingly. If you are having an outdoor party, like a bonfire, people will know that it might be necessary to bring a jacket. You don't want you guests shivering and quivering like jots in front of a firing squad.

2. Atmosphere: The reason people come to a party is to forget about the responsibilities and woes of the real world and the jots that exist within that world. Do your best to create a friendly atmosphere that make people forget their jobs are miserable and the economy is in the shitter. Put some fuckin tunes on, arrange your apartment to create some space for people to move around, and put your BEER and LIQUOR in a place that is easily accessible to all the guests.

3. Entertainment: What you think people want to come to your place to drink cheap beer and stand around? They could do that at their own place on their own time without the risk of jot encounters. Get some drinking games ready, keep the tunes blasting, maybe get a dance floor going. If the party is not fun, the responsibility falls on you and you alone. Keep on your toes, bitch.

4. Liquid Sustenance: Here is where my major gripe with BYOB jots comes into play. You cannot expect people to bring their own beer or liquor. YOU decided to have the party, so YOU have to provide the alcohol. Especially if you are in college, it is your social responsibility to follow the "Pay it Forward" norm that naturally exists on college campuses. Allow me to explain:

When you are a freshman and sophomore, chances are, you are living in a dorm and you are going out to other people's apartments, houses, or fraternity lodges to party on weeknights and weekends. Assuming that the members of these venues are not jots, they are providing YOU with all of the requirements listed above, including beer and liquor. Even if you go to a large school and they charge you a small fee to get in the door, they are taking on all the responsibility of the party. Now, when you become a junior or senior and you have ownership over one of these party opportune venues, it is now YOUR responsibility to shoulder that burden. If you took advantage of all of the glory as a freshman or sophomore and then BYOB your guests as a junior and senior, YOU ARE A JOT! Hands down, no question, I can smell you from here.

To place this theory within the context of the film of the same name, think of yourself as Jim Caviezel as a freshman and sophomore. You have no home, no place to party. Next thing you know, motherfucking Haley Joel Osment puts his hand out to you and gives you a place to lay your head (or in this case, party.) Once you "get back on your feet" as a junior or senior, it is time for you to PAY IT FORWARD and help out a new class of Jim Caviezels. {It's just common courtesy, jots.)

So the next time you're thinking about making your party BYOB, think of the acronym as meaning, "Bitch, You Owe Big"