Happy Honda Days

Sorry for the misleading title.  Perhaps someone will discuss in the near future the jottery that is Honda Days as well as how jots are constantly being saved by a shitty 80s song by the Fixx (which can be seen here).

This is just a reminder that jots (and Canadians) are celebrating boxing day today.  The two groups are not, however, mutually exclusive.  

So, for all of you non-jots out there, hope your christmas was great. And for jots, I hope your boxing day sucks. Go back home to Saskatchewan.. Jots.

People Who Correct You When You Say It's Winter Before the Actual Winter Solstice

Something has to be done to these people.

Yes, I understand that Winter doesn't "technically" start until December 21st, or the 23rd, or whenever the hell it starts, but let's be realistic.

If it's December, it's winter.  If you need to scrape the ice off your car in the morning, shovel the driveway, or you have tos ay "Fuck, it's cold", then it's winter, regardless of what day it is.

The same thing goes for other seasons as well. "It's so hot and it's not even summer yet!" JUNE IS SUMMER.

Nonjots are likely to describe the seasons as such:

December, January, February -- WINTER

March, April, May -- SPRING

June, July, August -- SUMMER

September, October, November -- FALL

Everyone else is a jot and should go home.

Peter Hammarsted of Whale Wars

Congratulations.. or shall I extend my condolences.  I'm not sure which.  Mr. Hammarsted, Second Mate on the Steve Irwin of the Sea Shepherd is the newest addition to the JOT wall of shame.

First off, I'm all for the anti-whaling movement. But, man.. you're really trying hard to sabotage this thing.  You had a good thing going with the last crew, until most of them deserted because of your ludicrous anti-alcohol-dry-ship policy.

FACT: Jots support prohibition.

Seriously, you guys are pirates.  I've never heard of pirates that don't take rum to the face like Paula Abdul at an American Idol open bar.  So you've contradicted yourself.

FACT: Jots are squirrely.

You probably weight about 120 lbs and have like 10 pubes on your face, which you call a goatee.  Extra jotty. Oh and that pony tale needs to go. ASAP.

FACT: Jots use mind control techniques to get what they want.

Ok, so you are, in fact, canoodling with Amber, the hottest girl on the ship.  But seriously, how many forget-me-nows did that take?

FACT: Jots are poor leaders.

Peter Hammarsted, 10 consonants, 5 vowels and 0 leadership ability.  Since the new crew has come on you've successfully blundered a mission and had crew members break a thumb and shatter a pelvis. Just jump off the boat already.

Mr. Hammarsted, I hope the Japanese harpoon you.  Because that's what we do to jots.

Aaron Heilman

In honor of Aaron Heilman being traded from the Mets to the Mariners, I have decided to dedicate the inaugural Jots Go Home Blogpost to him.

First off, Aaron's name starts off with the same letter twice. That's pretty jotty.  Aaron is the aardvark of names, and I've never met anyone that actually liked aardvarks or had cute pictures of aardvarks as their wallpaper on their computer. Fuck aardvarks.

Also, Heilman is from Indiana.  Name one respectable person that ever came out of Indiana. I really can't.

He majored in "information management systems" and "philosophy".  Who the fuck does that?

Not only was his record 3-8 this year, he continued to disappoint Mets fans everywhere almost every time he went to the mound.  Also, if you're going to pick a Rolling Stones song as your song when you come out onto the field, pick something less cliche than "Paint it Black". JOT.

And that's all the jottery that's fit to print for now.